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Is life everything you expected it to be?

I have given this a lot of thought over the past several months. It reminds me of the title of a book that sits on my shelf, “This is not the life I signed up for.”

I believe that I am right where God wants me to be right now and I am happy but it still isn’t how I would have written the story. I would prefer to still have my brother, sister, and grandparents here in this life with the rest of us.

I think about how conditioned we are in this busy, fast paced world to mourn on microwave time and get back to doing life.  We are nearing 5 months since the tragic death of my brother Keith and of course I am still going through the mourning process. I imagine this will last for quite some time. I have weeks that it doesn’t get me down and I have weeks where Keith and what he is doing is all that I seem to think about. I miss him, I miss talking on the phone with him on a regular basis, I miss his laugh and I hear that laugh every time I laugh. I miss Keith for the fact that I wanted him to be with me to walk together through the crisis of other family members.  I miss him because my boys miss him and they constantly talk about uncle Keith. The 4-wheeler we ride will always be Uncle Keith’s, the Pickup will always be uncle Keith’s. Samuel tells everyone we meet about uncle Keith’s dogs that we are blessed to care for. We all miss him and can’t wait to be re-united with him.

I see the suffering of friends and family all around me, I realize that we are not alone in the hurt and pain of this world. But, I also remember that this is temporary. Things are not as they are supposed to be. Sin has caused this and God has sent His son Jesus to be the cure. I gain strength each day as I cling to the promises of His Words and as I dig and study. God is going to one day set all things right and I’m not looking for riches or fame, I’m looking for eternity with my loved ones and with God Himself.

This gives me the strength to carry on, to tell others who are hurting about the cure, and to walk this road with them. This life is not everything I wanted it to be but then, I didn’t write the Book. I know the One who did and I trust Him.



October 18, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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